My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
