It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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