anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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