I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
