It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
