is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
