Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
