Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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