yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
