You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
