Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
