she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
