If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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