Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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