Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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