im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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