no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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