oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
