Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
