If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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