Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...

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(778): View more from British Columbia

There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater

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(989): View more from Michigan

He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame

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(313): View more from Michigan

It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan

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(312): View more from Illinois

Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did

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(352): View more from Florida

I wasn't that drunk.

(727): View more from Florida

You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.

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