I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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