Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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