You really coming over, don't trick.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
