i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
