hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
