If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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