So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
