I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
