Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
