my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
