why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He passed out mid-signature
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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