she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
