He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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