I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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