The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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