Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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