Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need help removing her.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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