I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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