I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
