What did I eat last night that was bloody?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
