I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
