My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
