I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
