You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Pooping to opera.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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