Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
