Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize