his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
