Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize