She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you win again, gameday.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
