I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
