yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
