you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
