What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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