Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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