hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
