Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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