It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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