Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
