READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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