Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
