Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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