STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
