Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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