I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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